My beautiful dark twisted grape madness

Grape varieties that sound like stripper names:

• Midnight Beauty
• Black Fantasy
• Red Flame
• Crimson Seedless?
• Globes??

For the gutterally-minded, there are plenty of opportunities for lowbrow humour in the vines. With sun-softened fruit the current scourge, it's not unusual to hear someone say something like "I don't care how big it is, if it's not hard I'm not putting it in my box." That's what she said.

Meanwhile, I puzzled for days over what the little seal on the Menindees box could mean. This (usually) dry, inland area is not generally known for its performing aquatic mammals, after all. Could it be a printer malfunction? An animal lover's prank? A secret code? Turns out it's the farm's "seal of quality". Daaaaaaaaaad!